i'm beginning to think that i like not knowing if he'd say yes. to pretend all these years that he did and stay in that little fantasy that i saw everyone, i was well received, each walked across that stage grabbing their diploma. i with my dorky video camera running around the newly constructed on school. going to disney CA adventures... *sigh*. i guess i haven't asked because i don't wanna hear no... i always give the impression that i'm so apathetic about moving, that yes florida is good, that i'm happy here, that i have a lot of friends. well i am and i guess i do, but it seems like there's something i left behind and i just want to go catch up, or really say goodbye. it just seems so open ended but i dont want it to be closed negatively. i kinda just want him to go either yes or no and that's that. but of course i'd ask why no and things'll escalate for no reason. i dunno, i didn't think it would be this difficult to just ask... i kno it sounds stupid but bubbles aren't so easily created solely for the purpose of being burst.

i'm pretty good at keeping friends but losing them is hardest.